(31/08-2024) – Long time no see, huh? I know, I know, you’ve been eagerly waiting for your dose of ganker stupidity. Well, life has this funny way of getting in the way sometimes. Between work piling up and the summer vacation season kicking in, I’ve found myself with less time to play and even less time to write.
But fear not! While I may have been scarce in Azeroth, the gankers certainly haven’t been. So, grab your popcorn (or your Savory Deviate Delight, if you’re feeling fancy), because we’re about to dive into a condensed edition of the dumbest ganking attempts from March to August 2024.
Trust me, the reduced quantity has done nothing to diminish the quality of idiocy we’re about to witness.
Let’s get this show on the road!
Here is the list of gankers I killed in March, April, May, June, July, and August of 2024. Please note that the numbers in parentheses represent the total number of times I have killed them overall, not just during this period.
Alliance: Abamafuck (1), Anus (2), Apothis (2), Astriann (6), Bbqsix (16), Bianquee (20), Bnnuy (1), Bossod (1), Castlebravo (2), Dankstorm (13), Desonesta (1), Donluca (1), Eugeneyoung (2), Galedryn (1), Gujjar (1), Kaenbyou (3), Kiddynamite (1), Konayashi (1), Libbles (2), Marvqq (3), Matatauren (1), Miedodeellas (1), Moogli (90), Moonboi (3), Olexis (9), Onemoredeath (2), Petulancia (3), Qaddafi (1), Rasputtia (6), Saprissa (2), Siviticu (29), Snolabe (12), Stimpi (1), Turbomurbo (2), Undepateras (2), Ymca (2), Xepace (1), Xxqtlolgodxo (3)
Horde: Allemox (5), Atok (4), Auerin (1), Balaelif (1), Babxat (8), Baxtab (98), Bioboy (25), Bioboyy (10), Bortragon (23), Danubiuss (5), Deduvaevale (1), Dixla (1), Elpina (1), Fhf (3), Foolishness (7), Gervant (6), Gankmanager (1), Gboyfresh (22), Guundal (2), Helltaker (1), Hogsmasher (12), Ijili (1), Immianthe (2), Infiiernox (2), Itsbeecharka (6), Itwillkeel (4), Jasonblaha (1), Jmekeru (5), Johann (2), Jonkow (2), Kaspur (2), Khaelax (1), Khaelx (2), Krygmusha (6), Laalbinaa (4), Melloman (5), Oopsllock (5), Paggars (5), Princkeltas (4), Raiczu (10), Rinwell (1), Rotk (3), Roznel (6), Sajury (2), Szurka (4), Tiltable (5), Tornflesh (3), Touna (2), Undeadshank (6), Wildrrage (11), Willscar (1), Xxwwxxww (27), Yoursapped (1), Zucc (21)
Bronze Medal: Eugeneyoung – The Faction-Hopping Mastermind
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for our bronze medalist, the one and only Eugeneyoung!
This paragon of mediocrity has truly outdone himself this time, showcasing a level of incompetence that’s hard to achieve without years of dedicated practice.
First, let’s applaud his brilliant strategy of faction-hopping. Nothing says “I’m a serious ganker” quite like getting owned by the same player on both sides of the faction divide. Bravo, Eugene, bravo! You’ve mastered the art of equal opportunity embarrassment.
But wait, there’s more! Our dear Eugene, in his infinite wisdom, thought he could take on a paladin. Spoiler alert: he couldn’t. In a stunning display of rogue prowess, he managed the impressive feat of… running away. Truly, the stuff of legends.
And just when you think he couldn’t possibly outdo himself, Eugene pulls out the big guns: the “Away” status trick. Oh, the cunning! The creativity!
Surely, no one has ever thought of pretending to be AFK before!
Eugeneyoung gets the bronze. May his future ganking attempts be as spectacularly unsuccessful as his past ones.
Silver Medal: Bioboy/Bioboyy – The Aquatic Escape Artist
It’s now time to dive into the tepid waters of mediocrity with our silver medalist, the one, the two, the… barely memorable: Bioboy and his alter ego, Bioboyy!
First, let’s applaud the sheer creative genius behind that alt name. Bioboyy? With two Y’s? Move over, Shakespeare, we’ve got a wordsmith in our midst!
Our dear Bioboy has mastered the art of the “tactical retreat,” or as the rest of us call it, “running away like a scared kitten.” His signature move? Transforming into aquatic form and making a splash for it. Because nothing says “fearsome ganker” quite like a fish out of water… or in this case, a fish desperately trying to get back in the water.
But wait, there’s more! When he’s not practicing his synchronized swimming routine, Bioboy likes to spice things up by switching to his rogue, Bioboyy.
And boy, oh boyy, does he shine in that role! If by “shine” we mean “somehow manage to be even less effective than his druid.”
It’s almost impressive how he maintains such consistent levels of incompetence across multiple classes.
Now, you might be thinking, “Surely, he must have some victories under his belt?” Well, you’d be right!
On those rare occasions when the stars align, Mercury is in retrograde, and he manages to bring a friend (or two, or three…), Bioboy might just score a kill. It’s heartwarming to see that even in the world of ganking, teamwork makes the dream work.
Bioboy/Bioboyy gets the silver medal for this. May your future ganking attempts continue to be a source of entertainment for us all.
Honorable Mentions
Before we crown our grand champion of ineptitude, let’s take a moment to appreciate some of the supporting acts in our circus of incompetence. These players may not have clinched a medal, but their commitment to mediocrity deserves recognition.
Ymca: Ah, Ymca, the Thousand Needles nuisance. This druid seems to have missed the memo that “Y” stands for “Why are you even trying?” Without his BFF Dankstorm, Ymca’s ganking attempts are about as successful as a fish trying to climb a tree.
Bianquee: Bianquee, Crossroads’ resident punching bag. This priest has made it her life’s mission to prove that the light abandons some people (well, it IS a shadow priest!). Whether it’s my rogue or my hunter, Bianquee always manages to turn “holy” into “wholly inadequate.”
Dankstorm: From Horde to Alliance, Dankstorm’s commitment to being on the losing side is admirable. Like his buddy Ymca, he’s a terror in Thousand Needles – if by “terror” we mean “slightly annoying gnat.”
Solo, he’s about as threatening as a wet paper bag. At least he’s mastered the art of running away… sometimes.
Gankmanager: The irony of naming yourself “Gankmanager” when you can’t manage to gank effectively is chef’s kiss. This rogue thinks he’s playing 4D chess with his twinks, but in reality, he’s struggling with tic-tac-toe. Pro tip, Gankmanager: being predictable is not a winning strategy.
Gboyfresh: Last but not least, we have Gboyfresh, Darkshire’s most incompetent ambush predator. This hunter has perfected the art of… sending his pet to do his dirty work while he cowers in the shadows.
The moment he sees a real challenge (for example my rogue, Hatsel), he vanishes faster than loot at a Goldshire wedding. Maybe it’s time to rename that pet “Braver-Than-Its-Master.”
Gold Medal: Bbqsix – The Faction-Hopping Failure Extraordinaire
And now… drum roll, please! It’s time to crown our champion of champions, the crème de la crème of catastrophe, the maestro of mishaps – the one, the only, Bbqsix!
This Death Knight has elevated failure to an art form so exquisite, it deserves its own wing in the Museum of Magnificent Mediocrity. Bbqsix’s journey is a testament to the old adage: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again… and then switch factions.”
Our hero began his illustrious career as a Horde ganker, where he was promptly and repeatedly introduced to the loving embrace of my paladin and of my rogue.
Undeterred by such minor setbacks as, you know, constant defeat, Bbqsix decided that perhaps the grass was greener on the other side.
Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
After switching to Alliance, our intrepid failure found himself once again at the wrong end of a beatdown, this time courtesy of my paladin in Warsong Hold and my Death Knight in Thrallmar.
It seems Bbqsix took “Death” Knight a bit too literally – for himself, that is.
But wait, there’s more! In a move that can only be described as “panic-induced faction roulette,” Bbqsix has once again donned the colors of the Horde.
He changes factions faster than a gnome on a sugar rush changes directions.
One has to admire his optimism – or perhaps it’s just short-term memory loss from all those defeats?
I did promised him to send my level 19 twink after him next time. Because sometimes, Bbqsix, size doesn’t matter – skill does. Since he switched faction and since my 19-twink is alliance, that might happen.
Bbqsix gets the gold medal in the Ganking Failure Olympics.
May your future endeavors be as spectacularly unsuccessful as your past ones. Remember, in the grand game of Azeroth, you’re not just a player – you’re the punchline we all needed.
Bbqsix, in the grand game of Azeroth, is not just a player – he is a comic relief.
Stay tuned for more “the most stupid ganker of the year” in the coming months. (Scorpyo)
