(28/08-2026) – As I mentioned last time, I went through a month with so much work that I barely had time to log on to WoW, except for a few minutes here and there to take care of business.
Yes, business.
I may not have mentioned it before, but I do quite a lot of business, and gankers make a valuable contribution to my wealth.
Every time I kill one of these morons, I receive honor points. I use the honor to buy gear, of course, but once my characters are BiS, the honor keeps coming. I can then spend it on mounts, amusing little items and gems. My jewelcrafter cuts the gems, I sell them for gold, and the circle of commerce continues.
I sell the gold for coins, then use those coins to buy mounts or better equipment with which to kill even more noob gankers.
“Noob gankers” may be a pleonasm, but accuracy matters.
So, to all the gankers who have repeatedly donated honor, gold and equipment to my characters: thank you. Your inability to learn has been surprisingly profitable.
Throughout June and until the middle of July, I was therefore only online occasionally to conduct business.
Unfortunately, I also played WoW on my laptop, a Razer Blade 18, and this completely destroyed the add-on containing my kill statistics.
A pity.
Years of carefully documented humiliation, erased in an instant.
So, beginning this August, we are starting again from scratch. The list is still short, but as you will see, some familiar specimens have already crawled back into view.
New statistics. Same old noobs.
Here are the contenders:
Alliance: Dobroduszny (1), Fantta (2), Ilillilliil (1), Krymiinator (2), Loshbatko (7), Mfk (1), Napeta (2), Ohhello (1), Pitux (1), Sinsirella (1), Zerg (1)
Horde: Adeadjoke (1), Beci (1), Bullworth (1), Kywam (1), Locopalawea (2), Meganbox (1), Picked (1), Qzix (1), Runashan (2), Sli (1), Stress (1), Threecrust (2), Titaes (1), Zardonicx (5)
Third Place – Dunce – Krymiinator
Last edition’s imbecile is still here, and his strategy remains admirably consistent:
Run.
Get dotted.
Run some more.
Get dotted again.
Continue running.
Die.
Such dedication to a losing strategy is genuinely impressive. Most players eventually learn something, even if only by accident. Krymiinator refuses to take that risk.
I have killed him twice since the statistics were reset. Combined with the seventeen recorded kills before my add-on was fried, that brings us to nineteen.
But we are starting from scratch, so officially, it is only two.
A fresh beginning is a wonderful opportunity. Perhaps Krymiinator will use his to discover that running in a straight line while dying slowly is not a viable PvP strategy.
I would not bet on it.
Second Place – Moron – Adeadjoke/Zardonicx
While passing through Astranaar, I found several dead bodies and a Horde rogue named Adeadjoke killing the Flight Master and low-level players.
The name turned out to be remarkably accurate.
I killed him easily with the gnome rogue I use to guard the area. I had barely finished when a fire mage named Zardonicx appeared.
I had already killed this mage some time ago. Many of my abilities were still on cooldown, but I managed to kill him again.
Unfortunately, I died a few seconds later from his DoTs.
He resurrected before I did and killed me twice while I was resurrecting.
So I became annoyed.
This is generally the point at which a ganker’s brief moment of happiness begins to develop complications.
I logged onto one of my Death Knights and started travelling to Astranaar. While I was on my way, I saw him switch back to his rogue. I therefore returned to my rogue and killed him again.
Easy peasy.
He then switched back to his mage and began looking for me. By that time, however, I had logged out and returned to my Death Knight, who was already flying towards Astranaar.
Then she landed.
It took Zardonicx some time to understand that he could not kill her.
A fire mage can certainly kill a Death Knight. Theoretically. It merely requires the mage to understand his class, use his abilities correctly and possess some knowledge of PvP.
Unfortunately for Zardonicx, all three requirements proved excessive.
This is a recurring problem among gankers. They choose easy targets for so long that they eventually mistake the absence of resistance for personal skill. Then someone capable of fighting back arrives, and the illusion collapses faster than their health bar.
I chain-killed him, and none of the dirty little tricks he tried made any difference.
Eventually, he learned to stay away whenever my Death Knight was present.
A genuine intellectual breakthrough.
Unfortunately, I eventually had to leave and get something to eat. This allowed him to return to killing the Flight Master and a couple of low-level players, thereby restoring his self-esteem and convincing himself that he was a formidable PvP player once again.
Sometimes one must allow the wildlife to return to its natural habitat.
Since the statistics have only just been reset, there will be no dishonorable mentions this time.
Let us proceed directly to first place.
First Place – Imbecile – Fantta/Loshbatko
My guess is that Fantta missed being mentioned here.
It is, after all, one of the few places where anyone shows sustained interest in him.
Fantta was in Freewind Post with Napeta, another rogue whose skill level is every bit as impressive as his own. As courageous as ever, the two of them were fighting one druid.
Two against one. The preferred ganker format.
I came to help, making it two against two, and the two morons were disposed of almost immediately.
Apparently, equal numbers created an unforeseen tactical difficulty.
Fantta was killed twice because, naturally, I concentrated on him each time. After that, he left Napeta alone to fight both of us.
There is no honor among gankers. Apparently, there is not much loyalty either. The heroic partnership lasted precisely until Fantta’s own health bar became involved.
Later, he returned on his Death Knight, Loshbatko.
Killing him was a piece of cake, and before long he had become the main attraction in Freewind Post. Several of us chain-killed him every time he appeared.
His ambitions gradually became more modest. If he managed to kill one low-level player before being flattened, he seemed satisfied. This is exactly the behaviour I described in my guide to gankers, which you can read here.
A ganker does not need to win a real fight. He merely needs to kill something unable to defend itself before the competent players arrive and put him back in the graveyard.
After a while, Fantta logged off Loshbatko and appeared on his Horde warrior, standing on top of the inn.
Presumably, he wanted to complain, explain why losing repeatedly was actually a victory, or deploy one of the devastating insults he has been developing since kindergarten.
Fortunately, I have him on ignore.
His literary output is therefore lost to me, but I am reasonably confident that civilisation will survive without it.
Whenever I logged off because Loshbatko was gone and there was no longer any reason for me to remain, he switched back to Loshbatko. I returned and killed him, assuming someone else had not already done it before me.
Then he switched back to his Horde character.
I logged off again.
Loshbatko returned.
I returned.
Loshbatko died.
Rinse and repeat.
For most people, the pattern would have become apparent rather quickly. Fantta, however, approached the learning process with the speed and determination of a concussed snail.
Eventually, even he understood.
It merely required several deaths, repeated character switching and a substantial donation of honor points.
So thank you, Fantta.
Your contribution has already been converted into useful currency, and I look forward to reinvesting the proceeds in equipment with which to kill you again.
What a tedious little creature. (Sylnera)